Tuesday, July 14, 2015

July 14th 2006 - lost in those eyes

2 days after admitted 7/16/2006

I can get lost in those eyes........................
Its those eyes that laughed, cried, showed pain, looked at me for comfort. I could not always comfort Jacob, but I was always by his side.

JULY 14TH 2006- 3 years old, a memory etched in history for my family, the day Jacob was DX with Leukemia. That was the first day I can honestly say I felt completely helpless. That was the day I looked into those beautiful brown eyes and I could not do any thing to take the cancer away.
I sat there with Jacob as the Dr told me he had a blood caner and Jacob was getting admitted all I could do was cry inside, Jacob could not see the pain, fear and anxiety I was feeling, The fear of the unknown, not knowing if I was going to lose Jacob, not knowing how long he was going to be with us.
THAT IS WHAT HIT ME LIKE A WALL OF BRICKS, my emotions took over!
3 years old at diagnoses

As a mom I had to get a grip on the emotions that were tearing me up inside, I could not let them control me. That is when I knew I had to be strong, positive and do what needed to be done to get Jacob through this battle.

I would be lying if I said I was not still terrified, but I had to take control of that fear, I did and still do cry when I am alone, thinking about him or when something reminds me of Jacob, it is part of my day. I have learned to deal with the emotions that might flood my mind at any given moment. I have control of the emotions and they do not control my day to day routine.

Jacob will never be far from my mind and will always have that special part of my heart.
Jacob battled for 3 1/2 years, has gone for 5 years and would be 13 in Oct, it's hard to believe how much time has gone by.

Dillon is now 3, I look at him and can't help to think.............................thoughts that I quickly block!
Being a parent with one child that died from cancer, sometimes there is a fear there with your other kids. I would say that is normal, but you can't let it take control. Thoughts are one thing but letting it control you is another.
Dillon my little Ham - 3 years old/July 2015
My little sneaky little menace aka trouble

Dillon! Talk about total opposites when it comes to getting into anything and everything he can, climbs, opens, escapes and helps him self to what he wants  :o)
But my two boys,  friendly outgoing personality and always wanting to make friends.

Proud to be a mom to my two beautiful boys, I always have a smile on my face and memories in my heart with new memories every day. But isn't that the life of being a mom.

Thank You for your thoughts and prayers,

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