Friday, October 28, 2011

Thoughts from the heart!!

I always knew I wanted to have a family of my own, 2 kids would be great for me if we were able. When thinking about having children of my own by no means did I think having Jacob would change my like so drastically. I never thought of myself having a void in my life, until I had Jacob. He filled that void, the void I did not realize I had, he became my everything. Li...fe was so good, we were enjoying the family life, Jacob was 3 and acting like such a big boy, we were enjoying every part of being parents. In July 2006, 3 ½ months before his 4th birthday life came to a crashing halt when our one and only son was diagnosed with cancer. We knew we had a long and sometimes difficult road ahead of us, but there was no other option but to FIGHT!! Fight is what we did for 3 ½ years until it came down to the point when you look at your child laying there and you just know it is time to say good bye, Jacob was done fighting so as a parent I had to accept that and let him know it is ok to let go and that I LOVE HIM SO MUCH. That transition was the hardest, we have fought for so long, I just couldn’t give up, but I see now I was not giving up, it was time. In the back of my mind I always knew I wanted to have one more child, but with the life style we were living in and out of the hospital with Jacob, it was not a good time. After Jacob’s Passing I knew I did not want another child, (at least I thought I knew) I was so afraid of the loss of a child, the pain SCARED ME FOR LIFE, I did not want to go through that again. Who was I Kidding!!!! About 9 months had past and the desire of wanting to be a Mom, a Mom with so many meanings, a mom was who I was, I could not deny those feelings. So it was time to start tiring, we can give Jacob a little Brother or Sister he can watch over. We got pregnant first try and I miscarried; now it has been over 7 months and we are having no luck. I keep thinking its our age or maybe it is not in our cards to be parents again. But sorry I am not so willing to accept that yet, I don’t feel my age and I want to have another little one, so continue to try is all we can do. Your Prayers would be so appreciated. For all of you that did not know we were even trying, we are :o)

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