Thursday, December 2, 2010

Just because I wander, It Doesn’t Mean I am Lost, It’s my new Journey, finding my way as each day passes.

^i^ My Angel Jacob – 10 months in Heaven ^i^

As I wander, I wonder how lost I am, I am a wife, a Mother of a Beautiful son with the battle lost always haunting me. As a parent you know you will always protect your children and will do anything and everything to do so. But when It comes time when you know the battle can not be won and do nothing but be by your child’s side and to hold them and tell them you will love them till the day you die, at which point you can once again be with your precious baby with a love which has no boundary. I know I wander, but that does not always mean I am lost, even at times it might feel that way. My way is always found with the life I must lead, and to lead by example is what I try to do.
Days are emotional, with the Holidays on us the pain of knowing Jacob is not with us hurts, just last Christmas I see his smiling face drinking hot chocolate with Daddy. The loss of Jacob has not gotten any easier; it is really hard and hard to believe it has already been 10 months since Jacob has gone to Heaven. My dreams of Jacob are not frequent, I go to bed every night praying he will come to me in my dreams, but it does not happen. The dreams I do have are so awesome and so real!!

We celebrated Jacob’s Birthday on Oct 7th with family and some close friends with his favorite food and released balloons to him to heaven. There was not a single breeze and the balloons went straight up as if they had a mission :o) His Birthday, just one hurdle we had to stay strong for and move through. Now the Holiday is another which we will work through and remember the memories.

Thank You for all your prayers over the years!