Thursday, December 2, 2010

Just because I wander, It Doesn’t Mean I am Lost, It’s my new Journey, finding my way as each day passes.

^i^ My Angel Jacob – 10 months in Heaven ^i^

As I wander, I wonder how lost I am, I am a wife, a Mother of a Beautiful son with the battle lost always haunting me. As a parent you know you will always protect your children and will do anything and everything to do so. But when It comes time when you know the battle can not be won and do nothing but be by your child’s side and to hold them and tell them you will love them till the day you die, at which point you can once again be with your precious baby with a love which has no boundary. I know I wander, but that does not always mean I am lost, even at times it might feel that way. My way is always found with the life I must lead, and to lead by example is what I try to do.
Days are emotional, with the Holidays on us the pain of knowing Jacob is not with us hurts, just last Christmas I see his smiling face drinking hot chocolate with Daddy. The loss of Jacob has not gotten any easier; it is really hard and hard to believe it has already been 10 months since Jacob has gone to Heaven. My dreams of Jacob are not frequent, I go to bed every night praying he will come to me in my dreams, but it does not happen. The dreams I do have are so awesome and so real!!

We celebrated Jacob’s Birthday on Oct 7th with family and some close friends with his favorite food and released balloons to him to heaven. There was not a single breeze and the balloons went straight up as if they had a mission :o) His Birthday, just one hurdle we had to stay strong for and move through. Now the Holiday is another which we will work through and remember the memories.

Thank You for all your prayers over the years!

Thursday, October 7, 2010


Oct 7th 2002, 8 Years ago today our beautiful boy was due to make an appearance but was not ready to come, a normal Dr's Appt turned into an emergency C Section. At 9:45pm our lives changed, we now had a precious little boy to love, hold, teach, guide & protect. His short life was a beautiful life, always filled with love; he always loved to meet new people along his journey of life. He seemed to always be happy, always wearing his beautiful smile. Our lives were forever changed when Jacob arrived into our family and then all that was taken away in an instant, that one moment in life took everything that was our world away from us. We fought hard for 3 1/2 years to beat this cancer and that very cancer that we had beat many times is what took our courageous son from us. We all will be forever changed; life will never be the same without our Jacob. And Jacob will never be forgotten.

On this day, the day that would be his 8th birthday here on earth will now be celebrated with the Angels in the heavens above.


Thank You for keep us all in your prayers!

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Always the question

^i^ My Angel Jacob – 7 months in Heaven ^i^

It has been 7 months since Jacob passed, it has been 4 years & 2 Months since Jacob was Diagnosed, we have been through heartbreak to hope with healing to desperation followed by many victory’s always followed with more hope & celebration & praising God & back to heartbreak with some sense of comfort & to devastation. We always had the confidence that Jacob would beat his cancer and he would move forward with his life. Now his life sores in the Heavens above with unbelievable influences on everything I am doing with fundraising & all the people he still touches with the story of his journey.

It has been about a month since I last updated, I just am so lost when it comes to writing in my journal and dealing with his death. It seems to be a lot harder dealing with his loss, my emotions come in waves. I work through them and move on with my daily life. Jacobs Birthday will be here in a little over two weeks, Oct 7th the day he would be turning 8, that date is already taking a huge toll on me. His 1st Birthday seems like yesterday, beautiful memories.

There are still so many kids I follow on Caring Bridge, so many kids that have lost their battles with Cancer and so many that I still pray for & new ones that will be diagnosed. The Cancer that is putting our kids through so much leaves me SO ANGRY!! I find my self asking why does this keep happening it’s not fare! I know it is something I need to accept as part of life, but it’s a part of life that is so hard to swallow. But what ever I can do to help, I will continue to do so.

This coming Sunday I will be having my 2nd Annual Charity Crop, 100% of all the funds raised will be used to help us get a closer to that cure and to help the families in need. Please if you are able to help in any way I would so much appreciate it. I am not even half way to my $3000.00 goal, a goal that means a lot to me to meet. You can go to to donate directly to Light the Night or a $25.00 donation to the charity crop for the crop sign up or just to donate. Any thing at all would be greatly appreciated. Even if I just had every one donate just $1.00 to Light the Night, that is $1. For everyone that has followed Jacobs Journey, Jacob has over 1,000 followers, WOW.


Saturday, July 31, 2010

2nd Annual Charity Crop

Hi there I am now taking sign ups for my Charity Crop, come join us for a great cause In Memory of Jacob!! Spots are limited to reserve your spot you need to pay.
Thank You for your continued support, Hope to see you there!

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Never did we think we would be in the place we are in life

^i^ My Angel Jacob – 5 months in Heaven ^i^

These pic's are of Jacob's first set of blood work on June 15th, one month before we got a diagnosis
As I sit and think about when Jacob was diagnosed 4 years ago, Friday, July 14th 2006I never would have thought that we would be without our Precious Jacob. The memories of that day still so fresh in my mind or should I say singed into my mind. I remember going to the Dr's for more extensive blood work later in the afternoon on Thursday, July 13th and sent home being told we will call you later with the results. Never for one minute did I think Jacob had CANCER!!! I remember going home pre pairing dinner and sitting on the bed with Jacob watching Peter Pan, which I can not watch now with out thinking about everything that went on during that time, a movie I now prefer not to watch. Heading to bed after the movie and waking the next morning for work and seeing if Jacob would feel up to going to Summer Day camp. Jacob & I got to work about 7:30am and 8:30am got a phone call from the Ped's Onc. clinic telling me that it was urgent that I bring Jacob down that they had red flags on his blood work. Still did not think cancer, but yes at this point I was really nervous and had a lump in my throat, I did know something was wrong. Work of course came to a stop, nothing finished and Jacob & I were off. We got there, checked in, called in by the nurse and was told to go to the back play room and was told the Dr was going to come see us.......GULP.........what is it that Jacob has?!?!?! The Dr came in and saw Jacob playing with some of their toys and ask me if he would be fine if I went to her office, Jacob heard that and there would be no way I was leaving him. She came right out with we think Jacob might have some kind of blood cancer & needed to do further tests & Jacob would be admitted. That was it for me, I lost it.....HOW......WHAT........NO MY SON DOES NOT HAVE CANCER!!!! She asked if I had any one to call and she would leave me alone to make the calls. From that point I don't remember what I said just that I was trying to make as much sense over my crying, my heart is in my stomach, a lump was in my throat and a headache was coming on. We spent the next 3 1/2 wks in the hospital, coming out with Jacob in remission and feeling good.

First few days in the hospital
Wed.,July 19 he has his new 2 line hickman in
Infection in his lungs is not the only concern; they fear he might be deteriorating. Please pray for a full recovery, he needs your prayers!

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Holidays & Fundraising

^i^ My Angel Jacob – 5 months in Heaven ^i^

I hope every one enjoyed and had a safe forth of July, I can honestly say I did not see a single fire work :0/ There are not many areas in my area that even allow them. Honestly that really sucks for the little ones, growing up and enjoying the BBQ & fireworks with family on the forth is what I remember. Even Jacob got to enjoy them up to a few years ago, he loved the Forth of July, Just another day he looked forward to and a day I LOVED to take pictures, but since when did I not have a camera in one hand LOL (thank God) We always made sure to make the best of it no matter where he was home or in the hospital, he always wore his beautiful smile! Love you & miss you so much Jacob, I know you watched plenty of beautiful fireworks.
Forth of July 2008

Forth of July 2009
Lost in total chaos of fundraising, the last three years when I set up fundraising events to help families financially and help with funds to find that big word CURE!!! In the past I don’t remember stressing over the events like I am this year, I know it has a lot to do with Jacob’s passing and of course having a little extra time, but I do swear it is a lot harder year after year trying to get donations and participants for the events. Sometimes I feel I am in an endless circle of frustration. After a event is over and knowing any little bit I was able to raise makes me feel better, this is the reason why I do it. To know that there are families that will benefit from all my hard work. Just up till recently we were one of those families and I greatly appreciated any little thing, any bit DID help!!
My next fundraising event Jammin Jacob Bowling. In Memory of Jacob for Leukemia & Lymphoma Society
Kids and Family’s that need your prayers see:

Thank You for all your prayers,

Thursday, July 1, 2010

A quick post

I pledge allegiance to the Flag
of the United States of America,
and to the Republic for which it stands:
one Nation under God, indivisible,
With Liberty and Justice for all.

^i^ My Angel Jacob – 5 mnths in Heaven ^i^

I going to have to post a little later this evening, I am heading to work and there is not enough time to post.

But please keep the kids in your prayers, listed on Jacob’s Caringbridge site

Please, everyone have a great day and keep your children close with lots HUGS & KISSES!


Thursday, June 10, 2010

As the days come

^i^ My Angel Jacob – 4 months in Heaven ^i^

“Our children can be our teachers; they teach us so much about life.
Life seen through our children’s eyes would make life so much easier”

It’s been 4 months since my world was turned upside down and shook till I went numb. Some days I feel the pain just gets worse, my emotions come in waves. I am missing Jacob so much; so much of my life is gone. At times I feel like I might just do better if I drift off in some corner of the universe.
It’s the little memories that hurt the most, knowing that you will never enjoy that moment with your child, that eats at me every day!
Daddy & Jacob 2005
All tatooed up,Jacob is proud of his work 2008

But of course my life has gone forward, there is so much that is keeping me busy after work and late into the night. My fundraising, there is so much I want to do, so many ideas. It makes me feel so good to know I am helping in some little way. There are some people that will never understand that. My one big motivator is I AM DOING THIS IN JACOB’S MEMORY.
To the left I have posted the awareness bracelets, they read: Always in Our Hearts Jacob 10/7/02 - 2/1/10 , I am asking $3.00 ea, 75 % will go to Megan’s Wings has help my family out so much, and so many other family’s at Kaiser, Fontana. This is one little way I can say THANK YOU!

About a week or so ago I went with one of my friends and her son to clinic, yes the same clinic Jacob knew for 3 ½ years. I thought maybe it would nice to say hi to every one :0/ Before we even got to clinic we had to check in, Oh Man that was my first melt down. The normal ladies were there with their normal greeting and then out came “WHERE’S JACOB” ?? With the news I had to give her she was devastated, she ran around and gave me a hug and started to cry, well that was the end of that. I have not even made it up to the clinic yet. Needles to say clinic had its moments, but I got to see both Dr’s. It took a lot of strength to do that, and it took every ounce of my being from not turning around and running. But I am glad I got to stop in and say hi.

There was a Christmas party that Jacob and I went to this last Dec 2009, my girlfriend just this last past week sent over some pictures. I could not believe it, this was the last pic Jacob and I took together, it just tore me up, but SO SPECIAL! Thank You Cathy!!

Mommy & Jacob Dec 12, 2009

Thank You for the continued prayers!

Events to Remember:

Farmer Boys / Blood Drive Fundraiser
Friday June 18, 2010 2 to 7 pm

Friday June 23, 2010 4 to 9 pm

Join us for an important cause, help me HELP WIPE OUT CANCER!
A great family fun night.
Saturday July 17, 2010
Choose your session 6-8 pm OR 8-10 pm
$20.00 Adult / $15.00 Child
Top striker raffel, additional raffels & goody bags

You can e-mail me at for flyers or go and if you want to register for Bowling please do that also. Please if any one is interested in bowling PLEASE reggister, I booked two session hoping that this event would be a great success, FOR A GREAT CAUSE!!!! PLEASE, I WOULD LOVE TO SEE YA THERE!

Monday, May 31, 2010

Keeping busy

^i^ My Angel Jacob – 3 months in Heaven ^i^

Hope every one has a safe Memorial Day!!

This year started off the worse way possible, really, what is worse than loosing your child to cancer? I would have given up everything if given the choice, but life does not work that way.

I looked at the calendar and thought, wow, where is this year going??
Everything I am doing for fundraising is all in Jacobs Memory, this is how I look at it, that is what is keeping me so busy.
I know first had what road we traveled, what Jacob went through & what we went through as a family. I want to help put a stop to cancer that seems to be slowly taking over; we just need to wipe it out of EXTINCTION!

So with that said, those of you that are in the area join us at Cold Stone :o)

Thank You,

Tuesday, May 25, 2010


^i^ My Angel Jacob – 3 months in Heaven ^i^

Cancer just leave

Two young to be
tormented by such a demean,
we ask,
we screamed,
we cried,
we pleaded,
we even poisoned!
But time after time you returned.
What does it take to rid you from our
little ones bodies?
With each time you return
you break down their little bodies
just a little more each time.
Why can’t you just leave,
just die after time.
We screamed,
we cried,
we pleaded,
we even poisoned,
Cancer why don’t you just leave,
leave our children be,
this is not the way it should be.
It should be the CANCER that leaves,

By Melisa A. Samaniego May 2010

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Making a difference

^i^ My Angel Jacob – 3 months in Heaven ^i^

It’s so true that it is a FACT of life that Jacob is no longer with us and that it is a BATTLE EVERDAY to coup with that very fact. Back in 2006 when Jacob was first diagnosed, it was that fact that I had to deal with, my child has CANCER, NO, HOW & WHY. It just wowed me to see a whole new world open in front of me. I was introduced to patients and their families, Doctors, Nurses, medications/chemo’s, side effects, spinals, bone marrow aspirations, IV’s, ports, LIVING IN YOUR ONW PERSONAL BUBBLE watching the world outside pass you by and so much more. Also a new language, at first it was…………………..HUH……………………..?!?!? In a short time and the internet I was a pro, I even found myself helping other families, even with everything so new to me & trying to deal with our own demeans I still stepped out to help the other families that had that scared lost look. Each time I saw that it just tore at me. I think it was easier for me to help others because I had a VERY POSSITIVE outlook on what we were going through, Jacob WAS going to be ok, we WERE going to get through this. Sure I had a melt down when we told that Jacob had cancer, and even now it was all a blur I WILL NEVER FORGET THAT. Just like I WILL NEVER FORGET the last breath Jacob took in my arms from the very cancer I said would not take my son!!!! Two things I could do, HATE LIFE or TRY TO TURN MY EXPERIENCE to something POSITVE. Yes at times that is hard to do, but I do try to extend my hand every day to those lost families. Knowing firsthand what they are going through from point A to Z of course makes it easier to be there for other families and I could never be accused of not knowing what the heck I am talking about :0/
I was once told by one of the nurses the reason Jacob always wore a smile was because no matter what I always walked in wearing a smile and a HI. Sometimes they wondered what was really hiding behind my smile. This little quote was given to me, I thought this is so true.

Thank You for the continued prayers!

Sunday, May 16, 2010


^i^ My Angel Jacob – 3mnths in Heaven ^i^

I hope every one had a good Mothers Day and spent some special time with your children. I woke up Sunday morning to Jacob calling my name, I don’t even remember dreaming about him, all I know I woke up because I heard him calling mommy mommy, what a way to wake up on Mothers Day.

Every year, for four years now I have been fundraising for the Leukemia Society. Always having a team in honor of Jacob called Jacob’s HOPE, well of course this year it is In Memory of, that just breaks my heart. My team this year is Jacob, Always in Our Hearts. I would love it if people can help any way possible or even join the team to walk with us on Oct 16th.
Thank You for your continued prayers!

Sunday, May 9, 2010


^i^ My Angel Jacob – 3 mnths in Heaven ^i^


A Mother's love is something
that no on can explain,
It is made of deep devotion
and of sacrifice and pain,
It is endless and unselfish
and enduring come what may
For nothing can destroy it
or take that love away . . .
It is patient and forgiving
when all others are forsaking,
And it never fails or falters
even though the heart is breaking . . .
It believes beyond believing
when the world around condemns,
And it glows with all the beauty
of the rarest, brightest gems . . .
It is far beyond defining,
it defies all explanation,
And it still remains a secret
like the mysteries of creation . . .
A many splendoured miracle
man cannot understand
And another wondrous evidence
of God's tender guiding hand.
~Helen Steiner Rice~

Friday, April 30, 2010



^i^ My Angel Jacob – 2 mnths in Heaven ^i^

Don’t we all wish this could be so true, every day I prayed they would announce the cure for Jacob’s Leukemia. Well why can’t it come true some day?? Most of you know every year I fundraise for the Leukemia Lymphoma Society, well I will be doing the same this year but for now I have some Great exciting news………………………………………………….
So get a hold of this, KCAL 96.7FM a local radio station here in the Inland Empire is fundraising for the Leukemia Lymphoma Soc. so of course I had the erg to send over an e mail to the station, now of course I am thinking who reads the e mail if read at all :0/ But any how I just wanted to let them know what a great thing they are doing, it is such a great cause they are raising money for, and on and on and on. Also letting them now why it means so much to me and giving a brief rundown with our battle with Jacob and listed his site link. Well, “OMG” yes Tiffany from the morning show e mailed right back, WOW, they do read their e mails LOL She let me know that she read Jacob’s Caringbridge site and my blog and she was so touched and was amazed the battles we had been through. I was also told, that very morning they were talking about how they really needed a voice, someone that new 1st hand what it was like to live the life of cancer, & well, along came my e mail. WOW is that a sign or what :0D I have been through it all, we battled with our son for almost 4 years, 3 relapses, tried all kinds of treatments, had our shares of roadblocks, surviving Fungal pneumonia and eventually lost our precious Jacob to this “STUPID” Leukemia, boy I think I’m qualified. So the exciting news is that Yes I will be that voice, the voice for my Jacob & for all the other families out there with a family member that has been cursed with this monster called cancer. I am going to go on air with them on Monday May 3rd @ 7am, to see how many of you we can get to reach in those pockets and help out with a great cause. Don’t wait till it’s your family that is hit by cancer, make a difference now! Think of the kids and their family’s thatwill benefit and trying to get that much closer to a CURE. Please look into those Childs eyes and help get one step closer to stop the suffering. I have KCAL’s link posted, so you can even listen live.
Okay rockers, it's time for you to step up! Jimbo has been nominated as a candidate for Man of the Year in the Leukemia Lymphoma Society’s 2010 campaign for Southern California. How does he win? By doing a better job of getting you to help him crush cancer than any other nominee can do.

Here's a video, just one of the reasons they are raising money.

Thank You for your continued prayers!

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Life Struggles

^i^ My Angel Jacob – 2 mnths in Heaven ^i^

Definition of Fear (feer) n.
1.a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid: living in fear.
2.concern or anxiety; solicitude: a fear for someone's safety.
3.that which causes a feeling of being afraid; that of which a person is afraid: Cancer is a common fear.
This does not even come close to describe the fear of when a parent looses grasp on reality and looses their grip on their child who they know is dying. The fear of feeling powerless IS one of the BIGGIEST things us parents struggle with, when it comes to our children.
Every night I go to bed and every morning I wake up knowing I have to have the courage to move forward to an uncertain future, with the one certainty; it will be with out my precious Jacob. Life pretty much has resumed, it must, staying busy, going to work, and for me loosing my insanity trying to get Jacob’s scrapbooks and other little projects done. Jacob’s Memory’s are all I have left, and perfect they must be. I often think maybe it would be better if we were all insane, no really, then we would not stress over half the things we stress over. LOL I know we all have hit a wall at one time or another and just said “FORGET IT ALL” it is a this point you sigh and think everything through. Would life be less stressful or complicated if we all just ran and then what would be left for Family & friends to deal with?? We all know what needs to be done maybe its instinct that kicks in and it is that moment in life that we hit that wall and take God in and become that pillar of strength the very thread that will keep everything together and you will then move forward remembering you are not the only one living in this sometimes chaotic world.

Thursday, 2010April 29th 2010
5:30 to 8:30pm we will be holding a fundraising event at Shakeys in Temecula on Ynez. All you have to do is go eat there or order to go and drop your receipt in the box. Shakeys will donate 25% of all purchases to our team. So take the night off and support a great cause.
Shakeys Pizza, 26479 Ynez Rd, #C, Temecula, CA 92591
Phone (951)719-1145
HELP US HAVE A WONDERFUL TURNOUT Hope to see you there!!!
Thank You for your support!

Sat. May 1st, 2010
The Barstool Rodeo @ Relay for Life Orange
Location:Orange High School
Time:5:30PM Saturday, May 1st!/event.php?eid=401994180201&ref=mf

Sat. May 8th, 2010
5th Annual Dinner Auction & “All In” Texas Hold’ Em Fun
This event will benefit Megan's Wing's Patient Aid Program which provides crucial aid to families in our community struggling to survive financially while supporting their critically ill child.
May, 8 2010
6:00 PM-midnight
Double Tree Hotel in Claremont, CA
Semi -Casual Attire
Please register by May 3rd, 2010

Please keep in your prayer, these kids and their families are in need of it

Thank You for the continued prayers!

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Children are truley amazing!

^i^ My Angel Jacob – 2 mnths in Heaven ^i^

I am standing in line at the store to here behind me a little boys voice behind say Mommy, before he had a chance to finish I turned. It was someone I did not know, but the voice still was so familiar. The boy continued with Mommy she needs a prayer. My tears started, I could not even tell you what look I had on my face. Boy for a child to say that, amazing! The Mother jumped right in and said JADEN, don’t, I told her, really its fine. I told her our children know more than we think they do, she smiled and ask are you OK? She said she was so sorry. I told her hug your child and appreciate every day, because you don’t know if there won’t be that day.

You never know how much love you have,
till someone calls you Mommy!

5th Annual Dinner Auction & “All In” Texas Hold’ Em Fun
This event will benefit Megan's Wing's Patient Aid Program which provides crucial aid to families in our community struggling to survive financially while supporting their critically ill child.
May, 8 2010
6:00 PM-midnight
Double Tree Hotel in Claremont, CA
Semi -Casual Attire
Please register by May 3rd, 2010

A good friend of mine did this portrait of Jacob, Thank You Patty!

Please keep in your prayer, these kids and their families are in need of it

Thank You for the continued prayers!

Thursday, April 8, 2010

A Letter to President Obama

^i^ My Angel Jacob – 2 mnths in Heaven ^i^

We are all painfully aware that cancer is the leading cause of death in children, and yet it receives a fraction of the funding of adult cancers. Many of you are working hard to raise awareness to support research and programs that benefit children with cancer and their families.

Let’s pull together to get the federal government and President Obama to commit to doing their part along with us. Here is what you can do today along with thousands of others!

Send a hand written, “in your own words” letter to the President.

President Barack Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama
1600 Pennsylvania Ave., NW
Washington, DC 20500

Dear Mr. President and First Lady, I am writing to you today about childhood cancer.…(please use this introduction to trigger “key word searches”)

Tell him your story!

Ask him to include funding for childhood cancer research in his FY 2012 budget. Remind him that the Caroline Pryce Walker Conquer Childhood Cancer Act (PL110-285), which passed unopposed in 2008, authorizes $30 million per year for childhood cancer research and direct service programs.

Let him know that September is Childhood Cancer Awareness Month and ask him to recognize the 40,000 children who are battling cancer today, the thousands of children whose lives are lost to cancer every year, and the 35 children who are diagnosed with cancer every single day.

Remind him that this issue is significant enough in the minds of Americans to have been voted into his Citizens Briefing Book as #5 in America's Health Care Concerns.

Hand-written notes carry more impact. Pictures may help. We will continue this for the next 30 days, and frankly not sure if asteady stream of letters or a big blast on a couple days is best. We think a steady stream seems less orchestrated.

If we all participate,take action, just like those kids do......we can get this in September.....

Wednesday, April 7, 2010


For EVERYONE that has followed Jacob, kept him in your prayers and wrote in his guestbook, I am truly grateful!!! Each guestbook entry helped with every step of Jacob’s Journey. Some gave me inspiration, some gave me courage and some even helped me take a stand when it came to Jacob’s treatment. I know, I still would not let anything go when it came to Jacob’s treatment, if I had an opinion or thought or there might be something else, I SPOKE UP! This is my son and I will do anything in my power to make sure it was done for him. Questions, Internet, trials and others that had already traveled in my shoes were my guidelines to which I followed. I also new, I would know when it was time to stop, when Jacob’s little body told us he had enough. That is the hardest part for a parent, to watch their child die!! Jacob’s journey was coming to an end, no matter how much I wanted to fight and scream to keep him with us, I knew it was time, no matter how much my heart hurt. I do remember when our Dr. walked in, she looked at us and said I am so sorry, it’s not good; we knew at that very moment it was time to say our “GOODBUYS”. That is when I tried to wake Jacob to talk to him but he was unresponsive, a sad memory I will never forget. A little earlier that evening I tried to sit next to him in the bed and watch TV with him but he wanted nothing to do with that so a push and a no got me up. I wish I could have had that TV time with him :o( To have been in these shoes so worn out and tethered from the long hard journey that we had traveled, it is so hard to look forward without being pulled back with so much of your life being behind you. You look behind you and you don’t want to leave it, too much to hold on to. WHAT DO YOU DO? HOW DO YOU DO IT? These are still questions I struggle with on a daily basis. “PICTURES” is one of the ways I deal with the loss of Jacob. Viewing, sorting and printing, so much so I wonder if this somehow keeps me from truly mourning the death of Jacob. The pic’s help me stay close and remember. “SCRAPBOOKING” something I have always done, but now it has a whole new meaning for me. It is now an obsession! I had done a book for each of Jacob’s years, so every birthday I started a new one for him. But yes with life, not all the books are complete and now I am being anal over his books, I MUST GET THEM DONE! I actually had to stand back and tell myself “STOP”! I was finding out I was not getting anything done, just getting myself frustrated. I took my own advice “relax and breathe”. Once I see what pic’s I still need, I will sort them, print them, scrapbook them and then his memories can be enjoyed. *sigh*
Jacob I miss you more than you can ever imagine, a breaking heart that yearns to hold & hug you, hear your laugh. As the time passes it tends to get harder, as I miss you more & more. A forever stay at “Camp Heaven”, I already know you got your honorary angel wings award. You have always done me proud, “NO REGRETS”. Love you, FOREVER!
OMG, I guess I had a lot on my mind and felt like journaling, Energizer Journalist. LOL

Thank You for the continued prayers!

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Easter Blessings

I hope every one had a blessed Easter!

I was so blessed to have Jacob for the last past 7 years, I try to remember to good memories.
Blessings to you all!

Thursday, April 1, 2010

April Fools, Can I only wish!

^i^ My Angel Jacob – 2 mnths in Heaven ^i^

This means that anyone
who belongs to Christ has
become a new person.
The old life is gone; a ne life has begun!

There are so many of us that have experienced things or are living our lives with certain things that we wish were not, maybe at times even thinking this has to be a big Joke and at any given moment someone will come up to us and yell “APRIL FOOLS” That would be the worse joke ever.

Easter is already here, where did the time go?? I feel like the last past year just zipped right by us and that we just had Easter. I could never get Jacob to sit with the Easter Bunny for a picture, no possible way he was just to scary. This was last year, he wanted nothing to do with the scary bunny!

Please pray for Taylor

I hope everyone has a nice Easter!

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Looking back

My last post talked about one of his favorite things to go do was riding his quad at the dunes. Well I ran across a short video of him riding when he was 3yrs old in Dec 2005. This is the first season out. I just had to share it.

Thank You,

Monday, March 22, 2010

My little Dunner!

^i^ My Angel Jacob - 7 weeks in Heaven ^i^

What the heart has once
owned and had, it shall never lose.
Of all earthly music, that which
reaches the farthest into heaven
Is the beating of a loving heart.

A week ago, the weekend of March 13 we went out to the dunes, first time with out Jacob. We waited till it was dark and we all walked behind all of our trailers where Jacob always loved to ride. Most of us had our flashlights, I guess you can call it a flashlight vigil :o) My dad said a prayer and Tony released a small amount of Jacob’s ashes. Jacob’s free to ride the Dunes forever. “Be free my little dunner”

Thank you for every ones prayers!

Thursday, March 18, 2010

A little something to think about, I know I did!

^i^ My Angel Jacob - 6 weeks in Heaven ^i^

Yesterday, St Patrick’s day, one of the days Jacob really enjoyed. He always liked to be goofy with me, taking pictures with me with that day’s festive attire. He never had a problem with this, he did always like to act silly with me, “Just like Mommy”. Strange things happening, at first it was only me but when I got to work this morning to find out it was not. When I got into work yesterday morning (St Patty’s Day) I glanced at my cell to see if I had missed any calls when I realized there were 4 sent text messages from a little earlier that morning and remember I have no other children. Jacob was no Stanger to my cell phone and thinking he was just so cool making phone calls & texting people, so this was nothing new to me to see odd texts on me cell. 1st sent text: m 2nd sent text: ??>>+- 3rd text: ???????k?? 4th text: (it was Blank) I don’t think I am going crazy, at least not yet LOL! Then my brother came in this morning and said at the bowling last night all the team balls were on the rack and then from out of nowhere they notice a small 10lb ball, the one the kids played with on the return with all the team balls!?!? No one had an answer for HOW or WHEN the ball got there, when one of the team players out of the blue said it’s Jacob! I was told it this morning, so see it’s just not me that has gone crazy, it’s all of us LOL.
As Jacob would say “I DIDN’T DO IT”

San Diego Blood Bank flyer, in Jacobs Honor. :o/ they of course did not know Jacob had past :o( But it is still a great cause. So any one in the area go donate, help save a life, view the flyer

Thank You for the Continued prayers!

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

^i^ My Angel Jacob - 6 weeks in Heaven ^i^

I really don’t know what I was looking for when I jumped on the WEB and did a search for Jacob Samaniego. But I did find stuff I did not even know about. I found a San Diego Blood Bank flyer, in Jacobs Honor. :o/ they of course did not know Jacob had past :o( But it is still a great cause. So any one in the area go donate, help save a life:

Something else I found was a site called Find a Grave, created by Kathryn Gebczyk (Thank You)

Thank You for the continued prayers!
Happy St Patrick’s Day!

An Irish Prayer
May God give you...
For every storm, a rainbow,
For every tear, a smile,
For every care, a promise,
And a blessing in each trial.
For every problem life sends,
A faithful friend to share,
For every sigh, a sweet song,
And an answer for each prayer.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Monday, March 8, 2010 11:05 PM

5 weeks have now past, each passing day has its own set of emotions, grief can be so strange and can come in many forms. At times it tear’s at every once of your being and other times it can be comforting memory. There are other times it will stop you dead in your tracks and other times it will help motivate you to move forward. The hardest part is that it is so unpredictab​le!!

I have been meaning to tell every one a little about the memorial service. We did not have a viewing, we had Jacob cremated and brought him home with us were I believe he should be. It’s so hard when you lose your child, they are not suppose to go before you, that is why I wanted him home with us, where he belongs. In the lobby we had a big poster board with lots of pictures and in the church at front we had Jacobs Urn, a picture and lots of flowers. We had Father Javier and a Rev Ron speak and then my Husband got up to speak, he did so well and brought smiles to every ones faces with some memories. We also watched a slide show of Jacob. After the service we all walked out of the church and we had some of the kids do a Nerf gun salute in Jacob’s Memory, he loved his Nurf guns!! We then released balloons. The church was just about full that beautiful sunny day, we had 200 + people, I was truly amazed how many people showed up. Yes, I knew Jacob touched many people and met so many people on his Journey, but I was still truly amazed to see so many people. We had a beautiful memorial service for our precious Jacob and I want to say thank you to every one, every one who sent flowers, cards and even the donations and to every one that help. We truly appreciated every thing.

Than​k You for the continued prayers!


Mom​my and Daddy don't cry for me.
To walk the earth was not meant to be.
I'm in God's house you see.
I watch over you every day.
I know that you love me in a very special way.
You wanted me to be healthy and whole,
So you had to let me go.
You will get to see me every day
As you look at the children who past your way.

You will know what you did is right Because
When you look in the sky on a clear star filled night,
I will be the star that is shining so bright.
I love you Mommy and Daddy good night.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

In Memory of Jacob

Monday, March 1, 2010 7:51 PM

It’s been 4 weeks, a month of trying to figure out our place. It’s defiantly a place where there is a great void, a void followed by tears. I won’t lie it has not gotten easier, it has just gotten more familiar. But the thought is always right there, the thought of this feeling is not right. We walk around the house with all of Jacob’s Pictures; at times I have the fear that’s all that is keeping his smiling face fresh in my memory. It’s those pictures that are helping me feel closer to Jacob. Then it’s the pictures that make me smile and maybe even remembering the story behind the picture. This one picture that I posted with this Journal is one of my favorites with the two of us, I had gotten up on Sunday morning remembering a friend told me I had to take a picture of my hair, she really wanted to see it, so that’s was what I went to do. Alone in the office, or at least I thought I was :o) I was so pre occupied with trying to get the camera to work automatical​ly I did not notice that Jacob had snuck in behind me after a few pictures. I was viewing the pictures and noticed there was a little head over my shoulder with this huge mischievous smile. That is when I turned around to see him standing on the cat scratch tower making sure he was part of the picture. So of course he now had to be part of the picture. That makes me smile, loving those moments!

Tha​nk You for your continued prayers!

How is it that I never saw your wings
when you were here with me?
When you closed your eyes and soared
to the Heavens I could hear the
faint flutter of you wings as you left.
Your body no longer on this side
your spirit here eternally I see your halo shine.
I close my eyes and see the multicolore​d wings
surrou​nd me in my saddest moments and my happiest times.
My angel, God has given you your assignment
a​lways my forever angel.
You fly into my dreams and when I am asleep
I feel your wings brush against my face wiping away
the tears I shed since I can no longer hold
you in my arms but in my heart.
You earned those wings dear one
and you will always be me angel eternal.

Monday, February 22, 2010 10:18 PM

It has been 3 weeks today (Monday), since my Precious, Courageous, Hero Jacob lost his battle with Cancer!

I really don't know where to start, everything has been such a numbing blur.........................................​which direction do I travel?? It is so hard to travel when there is a HUGE hole in your heart, a BIG part of my life was gone in a blink of an eye which left me feeling empty. It is forward I am trying to go, but honestly life is at a standstill.​ It's really hard to get past the fact that my only son is gone, a part of me, a part of me that never left my side. He had battled for so long and won so many times! Yes, I ask WHY?? Never will I have an answer for that BIG UNIVERSAL QUESTION! I often ask, can I just have one more day, hour or even a min with Jacob, to here his voice, see his smile and here his laugh, but I know that won’t be.
I have Jacob all around me; it’s the memories that surround me, on the walls in the computer, the short little video clips, his room and toys. There are still things I do out of habit, boy that’s a gut kicker. I know right now it is hard to accept, but I also know he won’t have to suffer no more, no more clinic and hospital visits, no more spinals, bone marrow biopsy’s, transfusion and antibiotics.​ He is free from all this and he is happy. I know there will be a time that I will look at and watch memories of Jacob and I won’t cry, just smile. I will always know how blessed I was to have Jacob for the last 7 years.

I have some people ask me WHAT HAPPENED!!!!​ We did not know he was this bad?? Honestly I did not think we were going to lose him either, of course it crossed my mind at times, but not yet! A couple weeks prior to his passing you can tell he was not feeling all that great, but I also knew he had the pneumonia and then got hit with the bacterial infection, all this took a lot out of him and to top it off his Leukemia was no longer being effected by his chemo and his little body was so weak. He no longer wanted to be at the hospital so we were lucky to have been home for 4 days before we went in on Monday Feb. 1st at 11:30am. Wh​en we went in he was drinking and talking, but in a matter of hours you can see him slow down and his breathing had become quick and labored. BUT through out the day I would keep asking him how do you feel, he would keep telling me "GOOD" I would ask him are you having trouble breathing, he would say "NO, I AM FINE" HE NEVER ONCE COMPLAINED!!​ That says a lot about Jacob!! So pretty much what happened was that the Leukemia took over his bone marrow so he was not making any good cells, like red cells, just Leukemia blasts and his Bone Marrow Failed.
Red blood cells carry oxygen from the lungs to the body and carbon dioxide back from the body to the lungs. When red cells are affected by disease, symptoms can include anemia, fatigue, weakness, shortness of breath, and headaches
Ye​s I wanted to yell out “No it is not his time, it’s not his time, don’t take him, but I saw my beautiful boy laying there, I knew, so I leaned over and whispered into his ear ”Its OK, relax, Mommy Loves You!” I just kept telling him that. It all happened so quickly and peacefully, I held him when he took his last breath, Feb 1st 2010 at 11:35pm

This played at his memorial:

Than​k You for every ones prayers and words of encourageme​nt,
Mommy Melisa

Thursday, February 18, 2010 8:54 PM

A Message from Heaven

I am not so far from you,
Just a little way beyond;
Past the cares and past the pain,
Far past my earthly bonds.

When you feel you miss me most,
As years go drifting by;
Each memory will prove to you,
That our love will never die.

For memories are but a touch,
From the Father's gentle hand;
To heal your pain and mend your hearts,
To help you understand...​

That while I left you far too soon,
I did not leave alone;
For the Father sent His angels,
To gently take me home.

Take comfort when you think of me,
Keep my love alive in your heart;
And with the warmth of each memory,
We will never be apart.

By Allison Chambers Coxsey

Jacob You are always loved
and Never forgotten

Monday, February 15, 2010 3:40 PM

Quick THANK YOU'S to everyone!!!​
I will be updating soon.

Thank You so much Sinjin,
a wonderful young man for making this slide show of Jacob.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010 2:14 PM

Thank You Katina and friends for the slide show!!

I have had so many people telling me they want to make a donation and where they can make that at: jacobshope.​net
Jacob Samaniego Memorial Service / church info
We are going to have a small Catholic ceremony al​ong with an uplifting
C​elebration of Life, to enjoy and share who Jacob was and how he touched all of us.
DATE: Sat. Feb. 13, 2010
TIME: 10:30am
PLACE: The Bridge Nazarene Church
Thank You for every ones support and prayers! Melisa
The Bridge Nazarene Church Exit Cedar Ave. from I-10. Head North on Cedar Ave. Go through Valley Blvd. and veer right onto Bloomington Ave. The Bridge is on the left hand side (North side) of Bloomington Ave.We are located at:9904 Bloomington Ave.Bloomin​gton, CA 92316 (909) 877-0769

Friday, February 5, 2010 7:18 PM

I have had so many people telling me they want to make a donation and where they can make that at: jacobshope.​net
Jacob Samaniego Memorial Service / church info
We are going to have a small Catholic ceremony al​ong with an uplifting
C​elebration of Life, to enjoy and share who Jacob was and how he touched all of us.
DATE: Sat. Feb. 13, 2010
TIME: 10:30am
PLACE: The Bridge Nazarene Church
Thank You for every ones support and prayers! Melisa
The Bridge Nazarene Church
Exit Cedar Ave. from I-10. Head North on Cedar Ave. Go through Valley Blvd. and veer right onto Bloomington Ave. The Bridge is on the left hand side (North side) of Bloomington Ave.We are located at:9904 Bloomington Ave.Bloomin​gton, CA 92316 (909) 877-0769

Tuesday, February 2, 2010 10:47 AM






Monday, January 25, 2010 2:40 AM

​So where do I start, so sorry I left so many people wondering what is going on with Jacob, and thank you for all the prayers that have been going out over the heavens for him. Well since my last update on the 7th of Jan. Jacob was starting to feel just a little better so they let us go home that weekend on antibiotics. His pneumonia had not cleared up and I felt like we went backwards when they let us go home. We started to have fevers almost at the time we walked in the doors of our house, so heart wrenching to watch you child feel so miserable and to top it off he has not really felt very good with fevers off and on since the Dec. Well so come Monday the 11th we ended up right back in the hospital with 102 fever and still having Pneumonia and his Leukemia starting to climb and then to find out his blood culture came back positive for sepsis, it was also in his line, he is also developing Mucostits sores in his mouth and down his throat from the chemo, UHG! How much more!!!! Last week Jacob got light chemo to try to kill some of the Leukemia blasts and his counts really started to drop at the end of the week, but really dramatic, I really think it had a lot to do with the chemo he had the week of the 4th which was ARA-C and Etoposi​de (about a 1 1/2 week later his counts started to drop) and last week we had vincristine (1 day), mercaptopur​ine, and methotrexat​e (both for five days). At the end of last week his WBC had droped to 0.4 we started neupogen after a couple days his WBC still droped to 0.2. We are tring to control Leukemia and also get some fighting cells to help with everything his body is fighting. We had another chest x ray last weds and we are actually finally starting to see some changes. Each passing day we can see Jacob starting to feel a little better, the Mucostits still bothering him but to pass soon. So as of today, Monday we are going to finish his 14days of antibiotics and then I think the plan is to see how he is feeling and with the grace of God we will be going home in a couple of days.

The Meeting
We did have a meeting with the Dr. last week to make sure we all are on the same page with Jacob, Chemo really is not doing what it is supose to, he has become somewhat resistant and his Leukemia has become aggressive. We are trying to keep him as healthy as possible and happy, while trying some combination​s of chemo and by a miracle of God put him into remission. That srand of HOPE still lives with in me and is what makes it possible to move forward, even knowing what can happen.

Tha​nk You for keeping our little Jacob in your prayers!!

Thursday, January 7, 2010 4:09 AM

Well we started off the day with a spinal with chemo, Jacob did not like the fact that he was woke from a good sleep :o( Needless to say he was in a bad mood for a while. But after he finally got to eat took a nap and he was in a much better mood. So today turned out to be a pretty good day for Jacob, he wanted to go out in the hall way and play a little nerf, shooting everyone that walked by :o) Jacob's Pneumonia is slowly clearing up and we are trying to control his Leukemia. Please pray that we are able to give chemo tomorrow (Thursday) and he does good with it with great results. If everything goes well we are hoping to be home for the weekend.

Tha​nk You for praying for our Jacob!

Monday, January 18, 2010

Monday, January 4, 2010 3:13 AM

Saint Jude, intercede for me

as I ask God for strength,

wisdom and patience.

I pray that Heaven’s angels

Watch over me and keep me

Close in their care.

All I ask for from everyone are prayers for our little Jacob, praying that his guardian angels are watching over him. He has been through so much but always seem to prove to everyone how strong he really is. I pray that this is another one of these times. With his Pneumonia we can only pray he is improving, he seems like he is, but we won’t know until we see how his lungs look after the x ray tomorrow (Monday). So please pray for DRAMATIC changes! His Leukemia is another story we don’t know what happening there, we will probably find out what we are going to do also on Monday. There is not a day that does not go by that I pray that I wake up and Jacob is cancer free. The HOPE still leaves in my heart!!

Please pray the ultimate healing prayer for Jacob.

I will try to update later on everything .

Thank You for keeping our Jacob in your prayers!


Thursday, December 31, 2009 3:27 AM

Hi there every one! Spending time in the hospital is enough to cause any one to go crazy :O/ One good thing is that Jacob is starting to feel a little better, the meds are starting to kick in and in the middle of all this we had to start some light chemo to try to bring the Leukemia down a little. His pneumonia is not clearing as quick as we thought it would, but it does not help when he does not have any thing to fight it off with. We will be in here past New Years, but not exactly sure how long.

I want to say Thank You to Coles foundation for thinking of Jacob and sending a balloon and cookies and keeping him in your prayers.

Thank you also to every one that has kept Jacob in their prayers.

I hope every one has a safe and fun New Year!

Thank You,

Tuesday, December 29, 2009 1:53 AM

Well we have been in and out of the hospital twice since the 22nd, we were not sure what the reasons of the fevers, well we found out today. Jacob has Pneumonia and to top it off Jacobs Leukemia is on the climb again. So many prayers, I am so grateful for all of Jacob's followers. I pray that we get Jacob past this pneumonia, all I ever want is Jacobs health.
I never know what to write any more, the words are so difficult to find, my thoughts are so foggy. All I know that this is day by day and all I can do is fight for my son with God by my side we will rise out of the darkness.

Thank You for every ones prayers!